I cut my penus on the lid.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
