Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
