I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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