its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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