East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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