I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Sext me about skeletons
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
