I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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