i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
smell my finger.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
