he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
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