is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
