If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize