Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
