could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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