Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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