my phone needs a breathalizer
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
