You're a womanizer and a bitch.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
