i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
