I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
