The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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