mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
