Will you blow on my dice?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
