Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
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