She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
