the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
