Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
