If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
