I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
