yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
