I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
