Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
