Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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