It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I wish they made helmets for livers.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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