im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
