he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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