Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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