Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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