Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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