i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
