Plan B is the new Plan A
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
