well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
