I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
this is an emotional support booty call
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
