it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
