I just pynch a tree in the face
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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