im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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