I can text with my tongue
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
