Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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