When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
When did angry sex become our thing?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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