ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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