Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize