fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
