So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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