Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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