i can't believe i had my finger in that
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
