That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize