i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
