The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize