We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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