Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Actions speak louder than pants.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
