thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
