Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
