i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
