when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
