I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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