Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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