i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
