I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
