When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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