Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
