if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
