office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
