is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
