I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
