when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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