Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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