It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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