whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
