I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
