Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
