Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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