dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
