garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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