I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Randomize
