So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
