Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
