It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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